Gratitude will shift you to a higher frequency, and you will attract much better things. – Rhonda Byrne
Day 8 of 21 days of Gratitude – Failure, feedback and being fabulous
What happens to you when you see or hear something about you which screams FAILURE?
Your first reaction, go there, feel it, now!
I ask you to do that because in feeling it you will know when those physical feelings come at you again because in a nanosecond thoughts will come tumbling into your head.
“How *bleep* dare they!”
“Who the *bleep* do they think they are!”
“Right I am going to tell them what I think.”
“No one will speak to me again when they see how useless I am.”
“I am a failure, I might as well give up.”
And on and on and on and on…
It becomes a never-ending mantra and unless you change your mindset you will be the failure that you perceive others to believe.
What is the benchmark for success?
The sins of the teacher visited on the children
In the playground, the teacher touched my father’s arm and said: “I am sorry but she will never go to university.” I wasn’t sure at the time what that was, but I knew that wherever we were being channelled I wasn’t good enough or clever enough to go there. The playground swirled around me and my head throbbed, I can still recall the blur whipping around me. In that instance, that teacher had condemned and labelled me a FAILURE.
Not long after, my year ran a competition, I don’t remember what the point of it was, but there were 50 questions that we had to answer, some we knew and some required that you use your initiative, undertake research or ask your mum and dad. Something in me said I will win this and I did. But getting on stage to receive my prize of a packet of felt pens was not a success, I felt that everyone was looking at the girl who wasn’t going to university and thinking, she must have cheated.
At 16 I was expelled, I was bored, classes were too slow, and why would anyone want to spend time helping a disruptive child? Just before getting expelled one teacher took me under her wing and I adored her, she really made a difference, but it was too late and not long after I was out on my ear.
I lurched from crap job to crap job and ended up in the civil service, mind-numbing work, and people whose job title dictated who they would talk to and I hated it. And there, in the midst of it all was Mrs Glover, she saw a spark and set me free. I was allowed to go to college to study, and I loved to learn again.
Later in my 30’s, I went to university, and I got an MBA.
But you see that wasn’t good enough and I just kept on taking courses and always hard ones, I had to prove that I could and I was not a FAILURE. In 2009 I took my last two courses, at the same time – ILM level 7 executive coaching and mentoring certificate and an NLP practitioners certificate – I passed – of course, I did, I worked hard… And then I saw two more masters courses that I fancied one in therapeutic writing and one in business psychology and these I thought would make me more successful.
I don’t know what stopped me, perhaps it was the FEEDBACK I was getting from my peers, customers and friends, perhaps I had stopped for a moment and smelt the coffee, perhaps I was starting to believe in me?
What do you do when you get feedback?
Again take a moment to think about this?
Did you hear, wow what you did there was amazing and when you do x, y and z it will be perfect? Yay just a bit more and my work is done, ooo I feel great!
Did you hear, wow what you did there was amazing, and when you do x, y and z it will be blaaaaar – fail, failure, doomed?
How we give and receive feedback is so important, and I am going to stick my neck out and tell you that how you receive feedback, is the most important thing and it is your responsibility to choose your response, to ask what does this really mean to me, how can learn from this, what needs to change (or not) or to simply acknowledge that someone else didn’t like what you did, in their opinion.
I know it takes a brave person to suck it in, let it settle and to then see the learning to be gained and that this is an opportunity.
When someone slated an early book of mine, out in the open, on the internet for all to see. In that moment I wanted to die, runaway, join a circus, change my name, anything but to be reading their sarcastic rude comments, and in the next moment I smiled, yes I smiled. I said it doesn’t matter why and what they said what matters now is what I do with it.
The book was course material that I put together to give my students – and print on demand was an easy way to get copies and so I put it out there, changed it a few times and forgot about it. Life got in the way. I know foolish, but hey, we all do stuff that comes back to bite us on the bum.
I have learnt from this, of course, I have and I want to thank everyone who has ever given me feedback, positive and negative because you have helped me to:
- Become who I am
- Feel comfortable with mistakes
- Accept that being imperfect is ok
- Learn my craft better
- Help my clients in ways I could never have dreamt of because I can put my hand on my heart and say ‘yes me too, been there done that and got the T-shirt’
Hold this in your heart, turn hearing FAILURE into FEEDBACK and you will be even more FABULOUS.
With love, enjoy being fabulous.
Today think of the gratitude you feel when you consider what you have learned through apparent failure (which is only feedback).
Grab your journal take just 9 minutes to write 9 things that you are grateful for which the tough lessons have taught you.
Journal Gratitude and Being Fabulous Prompts
When you get your journal out bring these to mind and write about what you feel grateful for:
- What has been the biggest thing you have learned about an apparent failure?
- If you could go back what would you tell yourself?
- How will you use this learning going forward?